Thursday 7 December 2017

Return Of The Native

Football fans everywhere, especially those crowded into smoky beery bars staring at the TV soccer will know that the ultimate waver of the whistle arm has returned.

Yes, Clattenburg of Arabia is back, boots polished, whistle washed clean of sand, having master minded the refereeing of Saudi Arabia to allow them to create theatre out of the sweat and toil of two footed strife with added fisticuffs.

There was a time when the heroes of the British Empire returning from the lands afar were military men, explorers, scientists, traders or just those who acquired land on a large scale or persuaded local potentates to swear allegiance to the crown.

All long gone both in memory, person and successors, or perhaps not. What is the pre-eminent football league in world soccer? It is our very own Premiership that enriches those that have and is ruthless to those who do not.

As Mark Clattenburg, in Saudi Arabia governing the refereeing there, strides out on the plastic greens of England and marks where the TV cameras are we can now look forward to all those interesting decisions that made us wonder at the workings of the human brain.

If TV and the media rule the masses and football rules TV and radio then who could be the arbiters of our politics if they turned their minds to it? In the USA their system allows them to have a President who is very like a referee in his work. The trouble is that Trump is sending off so many that few will be left to do the job.

But if we had the same, would say Mike Reed or Mark Clattenburg make a good president for the UK? Well, they might well be better than May or Corbyn. If not a referee, perhaps a manager/head coach. Would Sam Allardyce stir the masses to ensure English football ruled OK?

In the good old days, the monarch could have ennobled a person, put them into the House of Lords, appoint them Prime Minister and let them get on with it. Why not now if the electoral system is so far adrift from real democracy?

Back to the future, this time with a whistle?


  1. Great idea until Big Ears ascends to the throne. Then even Corbyn might look a preferable ref.

  2. Meanwhile Lawrence of Arabia's sandals have recently been discovered in Derbyshire - in a Waitrose carrier bag.

    Maybe one day Clattenburg's old boots will attract a similar level of interest.