Thursday 3 March 2011

Company Will Retire, Company Dismiss

1st Battalion. Queens Own Cameron Jobseekers

C (Cable) Company

Company Orders, Friday 1st April 2011


6.00 Reveille
Bugle Call “Goodbye-ee, Goodbye-ee, Wipe the tear from your eye-ee”

6.30 Non Working Parade, Company Commander present.
Instructions on jobs not to be done and avoidance of fatiques.

7.30 Breakfast, wheelie bins of outdated sell by stock from Tesco.

9.00 Footdrill, Company Sergeant Major.
Company will rehearse queuing, slouching and petomane skills.

1015 NAAFI break.
Outsourced to Osborne Vending Machines Ltd.

1045 Combat training dealing with travelling by rail, mugging techniques and advanced shoplifting.


13.00 Lunch provided by Salvation Army Soup Kitchens
Bugle Call: “Onward Redundant Soldiers Marching On The Dole.”

14.00 Route March
Platoon Officers, covering as little ground as possible with the fewest possible men.

15.30 NAAFI break.
Outsourced to Pickles RU.

16.00 Domestic Economy
Corporals to supervise. Blanket pressing, study of ceiling patterns and learning how to live in filth.

1800 Tea. Leftovers, if any.

1900 Lecture by Battalion Commanding Officer
“Your future, if any, in security, cleaning and refuse collecting.”

20.00 Sunset
Bugle Call: “Buddy could you spare a dime?”

11.00 Lights out (permanent).
Bugle Call: “Anarchy in the U.K.”.

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