Pie Squared

Forget Brexit, forget Trump, please please forget Bercow, Blair and others, let us pay attention to the important matters, those which most of us can understand and identify with. Football, of course.

Chewing over the implications of the TV coverage of the Sutton United v Arsenal FA Cup replay last night, there is to be a full investigation of the how's and why's of the United's reserve goalkeeper's decision to eat a pie while sitting on the bench.

Those of you who are mad enough to watch sport on TV will be aware from all the advert's, between parts of the games and around all the stadium, never mind the logo's on shirts, shorts, vests etc. that betting and gambling are integral to what is going on.

It is alleged that the urge to eat by the player wasn't because he was getting peckish as the night wore on but that odds were being offered as to whether he might tuck into something during the match and when. Well, I suppose it was better than the football.

He is, let us say, on the large size. Had he begun to choke on a bit of gristle I am glad I would not have to give him mouth to mouth resuscitation. But if someone did, I wonder what odds might have been offered for success or failure.

I might have had a bet on that one.