Friday 9 November 2012

Welcome To Borisovia

In the dismantling of the United Kingdom, one major devolution verging on independence has occurred that few care to admit, if only because it has happened by accident.  As most of the British Constitution in its present form represents a chapter of accidents this is not surprising, only difficult to understand.

May I call this new devolved entity, almost a state in its own right, “Borisovia” to recognise the man who realised the dream and enabled London to rise again to an independence and power it lost with the end of the Hanseatic League.

In doing so, we must cast aside any examples of the past of great cities that have been a nation or the seat of Empire in their own right.  Rome is the example most often cited, but this would only confuse and distort the story.

But because this transition has occurred with notice or indeed any positive action by the UK government and only through laxity and stupidity it would be wrong to retain the name “London” as then the weight of history would weigh too hard.  A new name is needed for its new future.

The reality now is that Borisovia has passed out of the direct and effective control of the Westminster government.  That Westminster is a part of London is another accident but that could be redressed. 

With the Palace of Westminster due for closure for repairs it would be easy to locate our legacy Parliament, along with the major Departments of State to one of those collections of commercial sheds in a provincial town that is doing little business.

Borisovia is a state without a nationality.  It has 230 official languages and a collection of subsidiary authorities that have become more subordinate to the Mayor and the Greater London Council than to Westminster.  There are few, if any, that have any distinctive ethnic group although the balance can vary widely.

It has its own transport system and is able to demand from Westminster, its vassal state whatever it demes necessary for not just the movement of people, but for the creation of rental increases along their path. 

Despite having one railway line to Birmingham, with both very fast and slower trains and another with a good service, it is able to order up a new High Speed Line for the benefit of its own elite.

Also, despite being frustrated by fussy foot dragging at Westminster, there is little doubt that Borisovia will get the major airport hub it wants within its own boundaries and on its own terms.  In defining what “economic growth” might be or calculated it is Borisovia that decides how and what should be done.

The key reason for the independence of Borisovia is its critical hold over the UK financial systems, which extend across the Atlantic Isles and by fiat over the remnants of the old British Empire which house all it subsidiary financial organisations that take care of so much of our wealth.

One source of error is to suppose that the forces of law and order and local authorities exert much authority.  The reality is that this is in the hands of other groups presided over by The Mayor and his henchmen and women. 

They are protected by draconian privacy arrangements through super injunctions available by telephone on request to special judges.  The application of law and order is discretionary and largely in the hands of the most influential individuals.

Essentially, control is exerted by a “gang” system.  For example Kensington and Chelsea is controlled by the Gulf gang, the Petrolheads, and the Russian gang, called the Gasheads. 

In other places there are complex gang roupings that control all the major money flows from the usual activities channelled through the many major money laundries available adjacent and near to County Hall.

The Mayor is most anxious to protect them and to bolster their sources of wealth.  Although he has great powers he does not control the money flows and has to defer to those who do.  This wealth is one of the greatest concentrations in the world which accounts for he newly gained independence of Borisovia.

Travellers to Borisovia are delighted by the chatter of many tongues and all the quaint customs.  On the underground there are groups of conjurers who can whisk away your wallets, mobiles and other possessions without you even noticing.  There are all the enchanting beggars to whom you are obliged to give alms, or else.

At present, you do not need a passport or indeed any documents at all.  The forest of CCTV cameras with backup digital sources mean you do not have to worry.  All you have to do is pay and keep paying.

At present Borisovia remains a part of the UK, if only because it sends so many to Parliament and has so many others in its service in attendance there.  If anything it is not the UK that is sovereign over Borisovia, it is quite the other way round.


  1. Previously known as the "People's Republic of Kenovia"!

  2. On reflection maybe that should have been the "Islamic Republic of Kenistan"!

  3. Maybe Borisovia should have its own currency too. Not a physical currency of course, in these sophisticated times, but something more ephemeral based on biodegradable plastic cards loosely linked to complex offshore activities.

    The rest of us could stick with sterling.