This week I awarded myself another Nononour.
Over the years I have received many Nononours, all awarded by me to me for services to mankind in the shape of myself. Often they are covered in good quality chocolate but sometimes represent a lifetime devoted to conspicuous consumption.
For my military service I awarded myself the highest possible award, The Good Soldier Schweik title for skiving beyond the call of duty, named after the fictional character, above, created by Jaroslav Hasek.
My working life was marked by a succession of notable Nononours. Many were for finding reasons to be elsewhere when it was busy that were regarded as exceptional.
Others were for leaving just before things got difficult. Not least were all those, some of the highest rankness, for a talent for dropping my superiors in the unmentionable.
Some have been Nononours of high standing. There is the Order of Demerit for excuses beyond any possible credibility.
There is the Night Hood for regularly coming back late and then waking the street up. There is the Peerage for staring when one should not stare.
So the fact that my name has never appeared in any UK Honours List and more to the point has never been suggested for any honour is of little concern.
All I will say is that it is possible that the Nononours awarded personally by me to me may be more worthy than some of those on the official list.
To all those who have been disappointed, those whose striving has gone unrewarded, those held in high respect ignored and those who really do deserve recognition but do not get it, I will say not to worry; just award yourself something.
Perhaps the UK honours system needs to be leaner, simpler and meet criteria that make more sense.