Here is the transcript of a telephone call from the German side only:
Hello, Vladimir, good to talk to you again, how is the revolution going?
Yes, I look forward to the Conference, we ought to do good business.
That is good. You know what I mean.
You are saucy Vlad, but I am not going bare chested if you do.
No and not just into the woods to hunt wolves.
Strangle them bare handed?
They may be secretly sedated but it would lose me a lot of votes.
Not the chest, but killing wolves. They are many Germans who like wolves and want to have more of them.
The EU may not be told, the French like wolves and so do others. They eat people.
What was that? He is not that way.
No he just likes to look friendly for the media.
In America they are very hands on, their Presidents maul people as a way of getting media attention.
Well, the Brit's are just silly. Have you read any of their documents?
Pretending to be sick is not funny. You should try they really are that bad.
Yes I have heard the one about the Yank, the Brit and the Chinese Space Station. That is funny.
No, I will not pass it on encrypted. Hollande does not have a sense of humour, nor does Draghi or Rompey and not that Italian man.
In France Existential is not a dirty word it is the way they think.
We are all Hegelians now.
No I do not want to hear the one about the Italian, the Pole and the lap dancer.
Yes I realise there would be a double meaning about poles, remember I was in the Communist Youth.
Yes perhaps we will share memories of the Youth. I bet my Schnapps is a lot better than your vodka.
Last one standing gets Scandinavia, the loser gets Scotland.
Prost, see you, where is it next?
Yes it is better than Washington, it is nearer to home.
Where shall we have our secret pre conference meeting?
Ah, that is good, see you in Potsdam.
Must go, the last train from Cheltenham leaves early.