Sunday, 19 July 2009

Premier League - Man U Transfer News

The 50% tax on personal incomes having deterred foreign players from moving to England has impacted on the Premier League transfer market this summer. So Manchester United have made a spectacular swoop for the entire defence of the Newton Heath Railways Club paying two years supply of Boggart Dark Mild in advance. Alf Ainsworth, Bill Burnham, Bert Blears, Fred Darling, Sam Straw, and Ebenezer Johnson, are said to be overjoyed at the chance of playing on a pitch with a lot of grass. They will be paid four times the minimum wage, with travel expenses, free kit, sponsored bicycles, and full national insurance. During the summer they will be able to learn trade skills in light maintenance work on the Old Trafford Stadium.

Season ticket prices will rise to £3000 a year, because of extra financing costs, the need for additional policing, and pay-offs to agents of past players. Sir Alex Ferguson has agreed to double up as physio’ and bookies runner in addition to his ordinary managerial duties.

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