Queuing Theory

There has been some chatter on the web about the sort of people queuing for the latest Apple device the iPhone 5, allegedly a desirable commodity.  It is certainly a lot more convenient than the three ton signals truck with a  company of men that I recall from the past.  Also it has more features, but alas no Sergeant Major to advise on the relevant procedures.

One location was Hanover Square, where St. George’s church is and the other Covent Garden.  It is possible that those at the first were hoping to catch sight of the guests and happy couple at one of the many society weddings that have taken place there.  At the second there were more possibilities.

There are some high class estate agents around Covent Garden.  Perhaps they were people flown in on a “George Osborne Property Scheme” as part of our international aid.  Having been taken to The City, say HBOS to get mortgages set up, then the Bank of England to have HBOS backed by QE, then to RBS to have this taken on a new Collateral Transformation Scheme to be securitised for trading at high leverage levels of credit routed through the Caymans or British Virgin Isles, so what could go wrong?

Then back to Covent Garden to join the queue to pick a central London property out of the hat for luck. It is win win for everyone and a huge 0.1% boost to UK Growth as well.  But there could be another reason for waiting.

Perhaps they are all “freshers” from central London universities seeking tickets for the coming season for the Royal Opera on their Student’s Scheme of cheap tickets.  Certainly, one would expect a great many from the London Metropolitan University Media Studies Department to be there, if only to rub shoulders with leading figures from the media.

I once saw Jeremy Paxman in the Floral Hall looking like a smitten teenager close to Angela Georghieu, at a presentation of a recent new season.  There have been many others, although if asked about musical taste they invariably claim affinity to Coldplay as do Labour Party prominente. 

One opera that might excite their interest is Harrison Birtwhistle’s “The Minotaur” which is striking, although not a lot of laughs.  I quote “a deadly arena seething with bloodied victims and onlookers” and “bestial force”.  It is about the Labyrinth at Minos and the legends of the past.  Well, we know what happened to Minos.  As for bulls there is a theory that the real beasts may have been some of the last of the Aurochs that are now extinct.

Another is a revival of Meyerbeer’s near five hour five act “Robert Le Diable” which is a rare event, not just because of its length but for reason of its complexity and improbability.  It is not just the works of the devil but there is a crew of I quote “all singing and all dancing ghostly nuns”.  Given that these are naughty ladies and it is a modern production we can safely assume that the costumes will be Duchess of Cambridge Provencal Informal style, if you know what I mean.

On the other hand there is plenty of religion to go at.  There is Verdi’s “Nabucco” with Placido Domingo, all about the Biblical King Nebuchadnezzar and the rest.  There is “Tosca” more or less Holy Roman Empire versus Napoleonic rationalism and then “La Boheme” with some free thinking atheism coming to a sad end.

I suspect that those wanting the iPhones will have their reasons not to bother, although in the cheap seats or the cheaper standing places all these could be taken in and a lot more besides for rather less than the price of the iPhone 5.  By the time the season has finished the iPhone 5 will be out of date in any case and they will all be in the queue again for the next model.

I once had that George Osborne just in front of me.  He nodded off half way through the performance.  Well, it was “The Sleeping Beauty”.